I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
