I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
