based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
