i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
