you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
