i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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