Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
