Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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