you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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