I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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