take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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