Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
