My nipple is on Facebook.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
