We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
