We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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