I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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