i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
