His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize