guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
