The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
