That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Mom said you looked used
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
