I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
