What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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