I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
