I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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