My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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