Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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