Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
