her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
