I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
