I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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