I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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