please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize