Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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