Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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