I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
