My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
