Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
