he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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