Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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