At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
