Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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