OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
