Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
