Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
