I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
