the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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