i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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