so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
