so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
