I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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