We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
