Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
