I need to stop coming to work sober
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
