I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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