3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
