It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
