i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize