so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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