Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
