I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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