Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
