you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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