id be glad to
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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