Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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